


my light can only handle so much

by kisade



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: IT DOESNT HAVE 1 CHAPTER I DONT KNOW HOW TO FIX THAT THINGY, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan-centric, M/M, Overworked, Sad Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Sexual Assault, Sick Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Tired Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, donghyuck slowly gets more and more tired, nvm i found out, signs of eating disorder, the tags in the bar 'relationship' are mostly friendships, too many tags sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-04
Updated: 2021-02-04
Packaged: 2021-03-14 15:01:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 16
Words: 14,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28547547
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kisade/pseuds/kisade
Summary: Donghyuck wants to do better. He wants seasonies praises. Although his body wants a break
Relationships: Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Jung Sungchan/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Kim Jungwoo/Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Lee Donghyuck I Haechan/Qian Kun, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan & Xiao De Jun | Xiao Jun, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Taeyong, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Liu Yang Yang, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Mark Lee, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Moon Taeil, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Na Jaemin, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Nakamoto Yuta, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Osaki Shotaro, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Park Jisung, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Wong Yuk Hei | Lucas, Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Zhong Chen Le
Comments: 30
Kudos: 273





	1. Prologue

Donghyuck has always been a happy person to others. Although to Donghyuck it’s quite the opposite. To him Donghyuck is the type of person to fake everything ranging from smiles, laughs to his own health and mental being. Donghyuck hates having others worry about him. He doesn’t want someone to waste their time on someone like him. So he fakes it. He thinks he can take care of himself. He’ll do it until he is no longer able to.


	2. Streak Lost

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what

This morning is one of his bad mornings. Since Donghyuck doesn’t eat or sleep properly it resolves to him feeling light headed 24/7 and having low blood levels. Most of the time it’s not too bad. Although this time it was one of his worst days. Donghyuck had woken up fairly well until he sat up. His head was killing him. Not only did he feel dizzy he felt dizzy and nauseous as well. When he stood up he felt even worse as his body felt disgusting and weak. He made his way to the washroom giving Johnny hyung a small ‘thank you’ as he exited their shared bedroom. When Donghyuck looked into the mirror he frowned he looked ugly. So ugly that he wanted to disappear. He rolled his eyes as he got into the shower getting rid of any negative thoughts. 

After exiting the washroom he was going to make his way to his bedroom when a hand on his shoulder stopped him from going to any father. 

“Hyuck have breakfast with us”  
Jungwoo said as he gave him a smile.

“Hyung why are you here, aren't you supposed to be on the 10th floor?”  
Donghyuck said as he made a gesture while pointing to the ceiling. 

“None of them wanted to cook for me so i assumed that Doyoung hyung made food and my instinct was correct!”  
Jungwoo said as he pointed to Doyoung that rolled his eyes as he continued to eat whatever food he made. 

“Ah it’s alright hyung I ate last night while gaming and I’m pretty full so I’ll pass”  
I removed Jungwoo’s hand from my shoulder which resulted in a whine leaving his lips. 

“A little bit won’t hurt now would it Hyuck?”  
Taeyong said as he shoved an egg inside of his mouth. 

“Hyung I’m pretty sure I know my body better than you”  
Donghyuck said as he rolled his eyes. 

“Come on Haechan!”  
Jungwoo said as he grabbed his wrist and dragged him to the dining table. 

“Fine but only a little bit…”  
Donghyuck said as he sat down on a chair next to Junwoo as he filled his plate with Doyoung’s cooking. Donghyuck sighed as he picked up a fork and started to eat the eggs on his plate little by little. He was a little disgusted and sad he had a diet which consisted of not eating a ‘meal’ until 12 am, but here he is eating breakfast with his hyungs. 

“Hyuck are you okay you seem a bit off over there?”  
Taeyong said as he gave him a concerned look. 

“I’m fine it’s just that Doyoung hyungs cooking taste like garbage”  
Donghyuck said as he put his fork down and started to get up from his seat. 

“Hey I spent 15 minutes cooking those I know they taste amazing!”   
Doyoung gave him an offended look. 

“Sure hyungggg”  
Donghyuck said as he opened the door to his room and closed it behind him.


	3. Catch Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> he's too far behind to catch up

“He didn’t even finish my food!”  
Doyoung pouted as he pointed to Donghyuck’s full plate. 

“I mean it does taste kinda bad hyung not gonna lie”  
Jungwoo said as he poked the eggs on his plate. 

“Yah Kim Jungwoo didn’t you come here for food. If I remember you did, so finish and appreciate it!”  
Doyoung said as he continued to down his cooking. 

“Nnie…”  
Donghyuck could hear a voice talking but could only make up about the end of the sentence. 

“Wake up we have practice Haechannie”  
Donghyuck sat up and saw a smiling Johnny sitting next to his bed. 

“Hm.. what time is it?”  
Donghyuck said as he rubbed his eyes as he looked at Johnny while pouting slightly.

“It’s four pm Hyuck”  
Johnny said as he pulled out his phone and showed him the time. Donghyuck nodded as he got up from his bed and made his way to the living room with his hyung. 

“Okay let’s go you guys we’re already 15 minutes late!”  
Taeyong said as he gave Donghyuck a glare when he finished causing Donghyuck to look away from his glare awkwardly. 

“Here they are!”  
Donghyuck heard a voice shout as he entered the practice room. 

“You would expect the floor with 5 members to take longer but no! Here they are waiting patiently”  
Yuta said as he was sitting comfortably on the floor.

“Shut up Yuta you only have one more member than us, plus Donghyuck is like 3 people if you think about”  
Doyoung said as everyone laughed at his last statement Donghyuck laughed quietly as he didn;t want to stand out too much.

“Alright you guys let’s practice our coach is going to be joining us in about 25 minutes so get your lazy buts up!”  
Taeyong said as he clasped his hands together gathering everyone's attention making everyone stand up and start stretching. Donghyuck went to a corner and plugged in his air pods and started to quietly go over the choreography that they had learned about 4 days ago. Since it’s Donghyuck he had already memorized the choreo really quick but he wanted to make sure that it was perfect. 

“What are my favourite boys up to?”  
Everyone turned their attention to their coach that had just entered the room.

“Practicing so we don’t get yelled at what else?”  
Taeil had said which resulted in a chuckle from their coach. 

“Alright you guys get into position!”  
Their coach said as he made his way to the front of the room and made himself comfortable on the mirror behind him. Everyone quickly got into position and waited for the beginning of their new song to start. Once it started everything was going smoothly until Donghyuck had tripped over Yuta’s foot before the chorus of the song. 

“Haechannie are you okay?”  
Yuta said as he brought his hand out Donghyuck ignored his call for help and got up by himself. 

“I’m fine let’s continue..”  
Donghyuck said as he dusted his pants off.

“We can take a break if you want, you look pretty tired yourself”  
Jaehyun spoke up.

“No!”  
Donghyuck said a little loud making some jump.

“I mean we’re almost done so we can continue..”  
Donghyuck said as he looked at the floor. Donghyuck heard someone sigh.

“Alright let’s continue like Hyuck said there’s only 10 minutes left let’s finish up quickly!”  
Taeyong said as he got back into position the others followed him including Donghyuck. 

“Okay everyone good work let’s head home now!”  
Taeyong announced cheers could be heard from all around the room. Donghyuck watched as everyone left the room. 

“Haechan?”  
Donghyuck looked up to see Mark standing near the doorway. 

“Yes hyung?”  
Donghyuck said as he tilted his head to the side making his hyung chuckle.

“Why are you sitting there come on!”  
Mark said as he made a gesture signing him to come and join him and the others. 

“Ah I want to practice the choreo I feel like I have some things I could improve”

“You did amazing today though?”

“Always something I could improve”  
Mark sighed

“Don’t spend too much time here”  
Donghyuck nodded as Mark left the room. Once he left Donghyuck let his head hang low.

“I want to do better and improve, I work hard everyday”

“So why is it that I’m behind everyone…”  
Donghyuck said as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He sighed as he turned on some music and just started to dance to the beat. Dancing always cleared his mind. He closed his eyes as he followed the beat. Once the song came to an end he opened his eyes. He was at the end of the practice room. 

“Always behind everyone else…”  
Donghyuck said as he smiled sadly as he leaned against the wall and slid down. 

“I fucking hate this…”  
Donghyuck said as he brought his knees to his chest as he cried his eyes out. 

Donghyuck took off his hood as he entered their dorm building. He was about to open the door when he heard noise on the other side of the door. 

‘It’s 6 am, aren't they supposed to be sleeping?’  
Donghyuck said as he opened the door he was met with some of the members on the floor and some on the couch, and they were watching a movie?

“Donghyuck where have you been?”  
He turned his attention to Doyoung who was in the kitchen warming up some food. 

“Yeah we called you like 50 times?”  
Jungwoo said as Donghyuck took out his phone to see missed calls and missed text messages from his members. 

“Ah sorry I was practicing..”  
Donghyuck said as he slid his phone back into his pocket and took of his shoes. 

“For 2 extra hours?”  
Jaehyun said in a tone.

“Yes what else was I supposed to do?”  
Donghyuck said as he made his way to his and Johnny’s room. 

“Aren’t you gonna join us?”  
Yuta said as he held up some popcorn. Donghyuck shook his head. 

“Why are you guys up anyways?”

“Why have a break for 3 days we decided that we want to hangout tonight and spend the next three days doing individual things”  
Taeyong said, making Donghyuck nod as he entered his room.


	4. i can do better

Donghyuck had woken up to shuffling in the room he groaned as he sat up and saw Johnny shoving some clothes into a duffle bag. 

“Haechannie you awake?”  
Johnny chuckled as he waved a hand in front of him Donghyuck blinked as he nodded his head. 

“Hyung are you leaving already?”  
Donghyuck pouted as he pointed to the duffle bag on the floor. 

“Aww why are you going to miss me Hyuck?”  
Johnny said teasingly as he ruffled Donghyuck’s hair. 

“Of course you’re my favourite hyung!”

“I’m everyone’s favorite”  
Johnny said as he flipped his hair dramatically making Donghyuck laugh.

“Anyways hyung has to go now okay?”  
Johnny said as he picked up his duffle bag from the floor. 

“Alright hyung take care…”  
Donghyuck said as he yawned he was still pretty tired. 

“You too Hyuck don’t miss me too much!”

“Ah just go narcissist!”  
Donghyuck said as he made a fleeing hand gesture towards Johnny making him chuckle as he exited the room. Donghyuck let his smile fall. 

“What should I do… I most certainly don’t want to go home that’s for sure… Maybe I could just stay here”  
Donghyuck said as he fell back onto his bed.

“Same shit everyday…. Life is so boring”  
Donghyuck sighed as he grabbed his phone and started to go through some of their fans' tweets. The members were always told not to go through the tweets for mental health reasons, but a little wouldn’t hurt right. Plus the seasonies give good advice ‘sometimes’. Donghyuck smiled when he opened the app to be met with love. Their fans had been excited for their new album. Donghyuck can’t help that some people are looking forward to the hours of hard work. Although after scrolling through the tweets for 15 minutes negative tweets started to appear. 

‘can’t believe you guys are actually excited for their album’  
‘y’all really excited for noise?’  
Donghyuck wasn’t really affected by these comments as the rude fans were usually hushed out by seasonies. Although the ones that weren’t were the ones that were hiding deep in their tweets. 

‘it looks like haechan is gaining weight what a fat fucking pig’  
‘haechan is such a brat i dont know how the members put up with his bullshit’  
‘haechan’s voice sounds ugly as fuck i dont know why yall like it so much’  
‘why are you praising haechan for his vocals couldn’t you hear his voice crack midway LOL’

These types of comments lowered Donghyuck’s self esteem even lower than it already is. He usually spends 30 minutes scrolling through the hate comments about him. He wants everyone to like him. He takes note of all the hateful things that they have said and makes sure to do it. Donghyuck has been doing this for at least 2 weeks. He’s been making sure he’s not annoying the members. Makes sure he’s quiet and not loud at all. He’s been eating less and it hasn’t really shown too much of a difference on the outside but he has lost about 7 pounds within the two weeks of his new diet which made him extremely happy.

“Haechan?”  
Donghyuck quickly hid his phone as someone had entered his room. 

“Yes Taeil hyung?”  
Donghyuck said as he gave him a smile.

“Are you going to pack your stuff?”  
Taeil said as he pointed to his backpack laying on the floor. 

“Ah I’m thinking of just staying here. I don't really have any plans. Plus I’m too lazy to pack”  
Donghyuck said as he buried his face into his pillow. 

“You’re really gonna spend your free time here Haechan?”

“Yes hyung plus I need to practice anyways for the comeback”  
Haechan said as he lifted his head from his pillow to make eye contact his Taeil just to see a concerned look on his face. 

“Practice? But the whole point of this break is that we get away from practicing Hyuck”

“Hyung I just want to make sure the seasonies get what they expected, I don’t want them to be disappointed in me..”  
Donghyuck said as he laid his head down on his pillow while still holding eye contact with Taeil. 

“I really wished you knew when to take breaks especially since you’re in three units Hyuck”  
Taeil sighed.

“I gotta do what I gotta do hyung, anyways go finish packing a bet you wanna get out of this hell hole fast”

“You know me so well”  
Taeil said as he left the room leaving Donghyuck alone once again. 

“I guess I’ll spend my off days practicing… ew.. but anything for seasonies right…”  
Donghyuck said as he closed his eyes as he let his tiredness take over his mind.


	5. burn in front of me

Donghyuck was now standing in front of the mirror panting and sweating. It had now been atleast 5 hours since he had started practicing the dance routine. He rubbed the beads of sweat off of his forehead as he basically collapsed to the floor. 

“M’ tired…”  
Donghyuck had muttered out before he felt his eyes close. Before he could drift of into sleep the sound of his phone ringing brought him back. Donghyuck groaned as he stood up and basically dragged himself to where his phone was. He picked it up and saw the call name ‘Taeyong’. 

“Yes hyung?”  
Donghyuck said in a tone as he was quite annoyed that he had to get up from his comfortable position to answer his phone. 

“Haechannie are you alright you sound upset, did I call at the wrong time?”  
Donghyuck rolled his eyes. He was quite annoyed of being asked the same question, he is totally fine. 

“I’m fine hyung i uh just…. um i kinda bumped my shoulder into the wall a few moments ago and it still hurts so yeah..”  
Donghyuck said awkwardly. 

“Does it hurt?”

“Ah no only a bit when I move it, anyways why did you call?”

“Oh yeah I called because when I left I forgot to turn off the stove”  
Donghyuck’s eyes widen.

“Huh?”

“Yeah I was calling to make sure you turned it offI texted you like 30 minutes after I left, but you didn;t answer”  
Donghyuck cursed at himself silently. 

“Ah yes I did hyung!”  
Donghyuck said as he quickly gathered up his belongings and shoved them into his bag. 

“Thanks a lot Hyuckie make sure not to make a mess at this dorm alright?”

“Gotchu hyung bye bye!”  
Donghyuck said as he hung up as he sprinted out of the practice room and made his way to the dorms. 

‘I should really turn on my notifications goddamn’  
Donghyuck said as he continued to sprint towards the dorms. When Donghyuck had reached their dorm door he could already smell the smoke leaving the room. He struggled to get his keys out of his bag as he was clearly rushing to make sure that the house was not on fire.. As soon as he opened the door he made a sharp left to where the kitchen was. There was just a pot?

“Then why does it smell like fire?”  
Donghyuck said as he picked up the pot he was about to turn around when he was met with a bright orange on top of the stove. There was a cloth on fire behind the pot. 

‘Fuck’  
Donghyuck cursed as he grabbed tongs that were lying on the counter. He picked up the burning cloth and threw it in the sink. He turned on the sink and saw as smoke came out of the bottom of the sink as the fire was extinguished. He sighed as he leaned against the counter although that was a huge mistake. Donghyuck had rested his left hand on the counter while he rested his right hand right where the stove was.

“Fuck!”  
Donghyuck yelped as he turned around just to see the stove top glowing red. 

‘I forgot to turn it off.. Wouldn’t do shit anyways…’  
Donghyuck turned his attention to his hand he winced as he felt pain slowly creep into his right hand. 

“How the hell do you treat a burn wound?”  
Donghyuck questioned, he signed as he made his way to the medicine cabinet and took out some cream.

“This will do…”  
Donghyuck murmured as he spread the cream across his hand. He searched the cabinet for bandages no way in hell is he getting an infection. If a burn could even cause one. Once he found some bandages he quickly wrapped his hand in it hoping it would ease the pain by just a little. He sighed as it didn’t really do much of a difference. 

“Whatever I want to sleep..”  
Donghyuck said as he made his way to his room. He didn’t even bother closing the door as he jumped to his bed and passed out.


	6. breaks are allowed?

Donghyuck had woken up to his hand in pain. He sat up and winced as he felt a sharp pain in his hand. Donghyuck looked down to see that the bandage was no longer wrapped around his hand. 

“I guess the bedsheets irritated me while I was moving in my sleep…”  
Donghyuck groaned as he got up and made his way to the medicine cabinet once again. He quickly wrapped up his hand tightly and made his way back to his bedroom. He grabbed his phone just to see a few missed calls and text messages. 

‘Haechannie hyung made food for you, it’s in the fridge if you're hungry!’  
Taeyong had texted him along with 2 missed calls. 

‘Hyuck make sure not to leave the tv on all day i'm not trying to get in trouble’  
Taeil had texted him making him smile. Although he sighed right after. 

‘I should probably practice again’  
Donghyuck thought he sat up and grabbed his belongings as he left the dorm once again.

(timeskip)  
Donghyuck had just finished practicing for their new song. He sat down as he was exhausted. He got up after a few seconds to grab his phone and look back on his performance to see if there were any mistakes. Hisshoulders slouched when he realized how his voice sounded. Donghyuck has always been told that he has a unique voice. He agreed to seem like the brat he is but he always hated his voice. It sounded too weird. He’s even seen comments from seasonies saying that they hated his voice when they first heard it, but now they love. To be honest it kinda hurt his feelings. What would outsiders think of his voice then if the seasonies hated it when they first heard it.

“I should take more vocal lessons…”  
Donghyuck muttered as he sat up getting ready to go over the routine once again. 

(timeskip)

Donghyuck was in the middle of practicing when suddenly a bunch of loud people entered at once catching him off guard. 

“Liu YangYang get back here with my phone!”  
He turned his head to the door to see Yangyang on the floor and Hendery basically choking him. 

“Haechan?”  
He looked up at the sound of his name leaving someone's mouth. 

“Oh yes Ten hyung?”  
Donghyuck said as he turned off the music playing in the background so that he could hear him clearly. 

“What are you doing here aren’t you supposed to be on a break?”  
Ten said as he set his bag down and made his way to Donghyuck.

“Uh I wanted to practice for nct 127’s new comeback”

“But isn’t the whole part of the break so you guys get away from practicing?”  
Donghyuck let a chuckled escape him. 

“You’re like the second person who had said that to me hyung”

“Anyways why did you guys come to this practice room aren’t there like 9 other rooms?”  
Donghyuck said as he made his way to his bag and took out his water bottle. 

“Noona said that this one wasn’t occupied so we decided to come here!”  
Xiaojun said as he started to stretch.

“Ah okay.. While I’m going to get going now”  
Donghyuck picked up his bag and was going to leave when a hand on his shoulder stopped him from going any further. 

“Why don’t you stay here with us Haechannie I mean we’re not really going to practice why don’t you just hang out with us just for a little bit”  
Kun said with a small smile.

“And plus we probably won’t see each other often this year!”  
Yangyang said as he wrapped an arm around Donghyuck’s waist. 

“Fine i guess…”  
Donghyuck muttered as cheers could be heard across the room.

A little break wouldn’t hurt right?


	7. i would stay but i need to imporve

To Donghyuck’s surprise he was actually enjoying his break time with Wayv. 

“Yangyang put me down!”  
Donghyuck had laughed out as Yangyang lifted him up and spun him around in a circle. Yangyang had eventually put Donghyuck down.

“Haechannie you’re really light”  
Yangyang said as he ruffled Donghyuck’s hair. Donghyuck frowned. 

“Is that supposed to be a compliment?”  
Donghyuck said as he crossed his arms sassily making Yangyang giggle.

“Hm take as whatever you want it to be”  
Yangyang swung an arm around his waist pulling him closer.

“You’re eating well right?”  
Yangyang said with a hint of concern in his voice. 

“If I said yes would you believe me?”

“Of course why wouldn’t I?”  
Yangyang said as he detached himself from Donghyuck making him whimper at the loss of warmth. 

“Well of course I’ve been eating Yangyang, I don’t think you understand my love for food!”  
Donghyuck pouted, making Yangyang pull him into a hug while giggling. 

“Don’t be sad I was just making sure you’re not skipping meals!”  
Yangyang said as he patted his head. 

“Oh is Haechannie skipping meals?”  
Donghyuck turned to his right to see Ten walking up to him and Yangyang. 

“Oh no hyung he just seemed really light so I assumed that he was on some sort of diet”  
Yangyang explained.

“Oh okay you better not be skipping meals or else you’re gonna get it from me Lee Donghyuck”  
Ten said as he lifted up a fist.

“Ah hyung I think that’s enough let’s not threaten the boy”  
Yangyang said as he grabbed Ten’s fisted hand and lowered it to his side making Donghyuck chuckle.

“I’m gonna go get some snacks, do you two want anything?”  
Ten said as he struggled to find his wallet in his pocket. 

“Uh I’ll have Lays”  
Yangyang beamed. 

“Which kind?”

“Original”

“Ew you like the original? Man I pray for you”  
Donghyuck said as he put a hand on his shoulder. 

“Hey what’s wrong with the original I love it?!”  
Yangyang said quite offended, making Donghyuck and Ten chuckle.

“Let’s leave Yangyang and his terrible taste alone, Haechan do you want anything?”

“Uh… No i actually ate just a while ago so I feel quite full”  
Donghyuck said as he made a motion on his stomach.

“Hm okay but do you want anything in case you get hungry?”

“Nope hyung I kinda ate all of the food inside of our dorms pantry”  
Donghyuck had chuckled knowing damn well he hadn’t ate all day. 

“Aish leave some for your hyungs Haechannie!”  
Ten said as he pinched Donghyuck’s side making him squirm to the right a bit.

“Alright I’m going to go buy some snacks don’t miss me too much guys!”  
Ten had yelled earning some ‘we won’t miss you’ in return making Donghyuck giggle.

“Come on Haechannie let’s go and join the others!”  
Yangyang said as he pointed to the rest of the Wayv members sprawled across the floor. Donghyuck was about to agree but then he realized that he should probably find his noona for some vocal lessons. 

“Ah I’m sorry Yangyang but I’m supposed to be attending vocal lessons right now”  
Donghyuck said, making Yangyang frown.

“But your voice is already amazing, why would you need vocal lessons?”  
Yangyang said as he threw his arms up in the air. 

“Always something I could improve?”  
Yangyang pouted.

“Aish what a shame I wanted to hang out with you more!”  
Yangyang said as he pulled Donghyuck into a hug, making Donghyuck smile. 

“Maybe would could hang when our breaks on our schedule match”  
Donghyuck said as he pulled away from the hug and patted Yangyang’s head and he could see his face lighten up.

“Anyways I gotta go!”  
Donghyuck said as he turned around and made his way towards his bag and grabbed his things. He made it towards the door but stopped and turned back to wave goodbye to Yangyang. 

“Next time Haechannie!”

“Yep!”  
And that was Donghyuck’s que to leave.


	8. hyung don't keep secrets from us

Donghyuck was roaming the walls when he came across a dance practice room that had a beautiful voice coming out of it. He stopped in his tracks and listened to the voice. He opened the door slightly and peaked inside. It was Baekhyun. Donghyuck watched for a couple more seconds until he decided to stop in case he got caught. He leaned against the door.

‘I want a voice like Baekhyun sunbaenim…”  
Donghyuck said as he closed his eyes and listened to his voice. Donghyuck had unconsciously started to hum along to the song that Baekhyun was singing.

“Haechannie?”  
Donghyuck opened his eyes to be met with all 5 of the dreamies in front of him. 

“Huh what are you guys doing here? Aren’t you supposed to be recording?”

“We were but the new manager that we got fucked up something in our schedule, so it’s delayed by 2 days”  
Renjun said as he rolled his eyes to Donghyuck he seemed pretty pissed off. Renjun was the type to get things done fast.

“Okay if it’s delayed why are you guys here then?”  
Donghyuck said as he earned a gasp from Chenle.

“Does hyung not want us to be here?”  
Chenle said as he started to fake cry. 

“Look what you did Haechan”  
Jaemin said as he started to pat Chenle’s head. 

“Aish you guys always make me the bad guy!”  
Donghyuck said as he shoved Jaemin.

“What’s all the commotion?”  
Donghyuck turned around panicked to see Baekhyun leaning against the door frame with a water bottle in his hand.

“Ah sorry my members are being a menace right now, we’ll get going!”  
Donghyuck said quickly as he bowed and started to push the dreamies as far away to where they were a couple of seconds ago. 

“You guys are so embarrassing!”  
Donghyuck said as he balled his hands into fists and stomped his feet.

“Aww you’re so cute Haechannie!”  
Jeno said as he pinched his cheek. Donghyuck was about to protest but he saw his vocal coach at a vending machine.

“Ah you guys go do whatever you need to do”  
Donghyuck said as he pushed past Jeno and made his way to his vocal coach.

“Noona!”  
Donghyuck said, gaining the attention of his vocal coach.

“Oh Haechannie why are you here aren’t you supposed to be on break?”  
She said as she grabbed the drink from the bottom of the vending machine and opened it.

“Ah Hyunseun I wanted to ask if you could give me some vocal lessons?”  
Donghyuck said as he fiddled with the hem of his sleeves all of a sudden he felt nervous. 

“Vocal lessons? But honey you’re voice is already amazing”  
Hyunseun said as she patted his head.

“But I feel like I could improve even more…”

“Donghyuck-ah”  
Donghyuck looked at her surprised she had never used his real name before. 

“Y-Yes?”  
He was getting even more nervous now, was she made at him?

“Your voice is so freaking amazing and beautiful. You have one of the best and uniquest voices in the kpop industry. Stop acting as if your voice isn’t enough”  
Hyunseun said as she rubbed his shoulder.

“I have to go now Haechan”  
Donghyuck quickly lifted his head to look at her and quickly nodded.

“Sorry for wasting your time noona!”  
Donghyuck said as he bowed.

“No need for apologizing Haechan, don’t forget what I said!”  
Hyunseun said as she started to walk away Donghyuck gave her a small smile.

“Just great…”  
Donghyuck said as he slid down the wall and started helplessly at the vending machine in front of him. 

“I need to get fucking better why can’t you just help me…”  
Donghyuck said as he slammed his hand on the floor. 

“Hyung?”  
Donghyuck opened his eyes and looked up. It was Jisung he quickly put on a smile to not worry the other. 

“Jisungie what are you here aren’t you supposed to be with the others?”  
Donghyuck said as he stood up stumbling a bit but Jisung helped as he wrapped an arm around his waist making him blush a little. 

“The hyungs wanted some snacks so I came here…”  
Jisung said as he removed his arm from Donghyuck’s waist and adjusted his position so he was facing Donghyuck. 

“You know hyung… If anything bothers you. You’ll tell us right?”  
Jisung said with a hint of concern in his voice.

‘Great stop making other people fucking worry about you for gods sake”

“Of course Jisungie you guys are like my family!”  
Donghyuck said as he gave him a smile hoping he would forget anything that he had heard or saw for however long he was standing there. 

“Okay I’m just making sure hyung…”  
Jisung said while frowning, making Donghyuck’s heart throb. 

‘I should really pay attention to my surroundings’

“Anyways do you want anything hyung?”  
Jisung said as he pointed to the vending machine. 

“Ah it’s okay Jisungie, I have to go anyways”

“Hyung can’t you stay with us for at least 15 minutes we haven’t seen you in 2 weeks!”  
Jisung said as he clinged onto Donghyuck. Donghyuck on the other hand was a little surprised Jisung had never initiated skinship with him before. 

“You guys better not be fooling around then…”  
Donghyuck said with a sigh as Jisung let out a little yes.

‘I just hope I don’t start practicing out of nowhere and forget to spend time with them..’


	9. my limit

“Hyung!”  
Chenle screamed as he launched himself towards Donghyuck.

“Yah Chenle you’re gonna make him fall over!”  
Jisung said as he placed the snacks he had bought with Donghyuck on the floor.

“Ooh snacks!”  
Jaemin was about to go and grab a snack when Renjun stopped him.

“We should eat later I mean we do I have a performance in like 2 days”  
Renjun said as he crossed his arms. 

“What? What song are you guys performing?”  
Donghyuck said as he walked up to Renjun.

“Ridin of course Haechan were you not paying attention to what our manager said a week ago?”  
And then it hit him. Donghyuck face palmed himself as he groaned.

“You okay Haechan?”  
Jaemin put a hand on his shoulder.

“I’m fine Jaemin-ah”  
Donghyuck said as he removed his hand from his shoulder and gave him a smile.

“Of course he wouldn’t be fine, his schedules are crazy Jaemin!”  
Jeno said as he walked up completing the 00 line.

“I shouldn’t have forced you to join us sorry hyung…”  
Donghyuck turned to where Jisung was to see that he had his head hung low and was awkwardly playing with his hands. 

“It’s okay Jisung, I missed you guys anyways!”  
Donghyuck said as he walked up to Jisung and gave him a hug and Donghyuck almost melted right there. This was the warmth that Donghyuck had wanted this entire time. 

“Hyung?”  
Jisung said, ripping Haechan away from his train of thoughts.

“O-oh sorry Jisung!”  
Donghyuck said as he backed away quickly. 

“I-It’s okay..”  
Donghyuck looked up just to see Jisung as flustered as him, making him smile.

“Alright you weirdos let’s start practicing!”  
Jaemin said as he dragged Donghyuck to the middle of the practice room so they could begin practicing. 

(timeskip)

“Ugh can’t we take a break hyung!”  
Chenle said as he was laying down on the floor while kicking his legs. 

“Fine but only because you keep on whining and you’re giving me a headache”  
Jeno said as he rubbed his temples. 

“Haechan aren’t you going to take a break?”  
Jaemin asked as he downed half of his water bottle. 

“Later I haven’t performed Ridin in a while so I want to make sure I don't make any mistakes!”  
Donghyuck smiled but on the inside he felt like he was going to pass out. His head and body feels so heavy when he’s on his feet. He also felt dizzy but he still continued as he didn’t want to disappoint their fans. 

“Okay then more snacks for us then!”  
Renjun said as he ran to where the pile of snacks were. 

“Hey didn;t you say that we shouldn’t eat because we have a performance?!”  
Jaemin said as he snatched the bag of chips from Renjun’s hands. 

“Whatever I can just born off the calories later”  
Renjun said sassily as he sntached the bag of chips back, making Jaemin pout. 

“Oh come on there’s like 3 other bags you big baby!”  
Renjun said as he threw a bag at him Jaemin looked at him with a shocked face. 

“Throw another one I dare you to..”  
Jaemin crossed his arms as he changed his stance.

“Come on you two stop fig-”  
Jeno’s sentence came to an abrupt end when a huge ‘thump’ echoed across the dance room. 

“Hyung are you okay?!”  
Jisung quickly made his way to who was sprawled against the floor.

“I’m fine Jisung-ah I just tripped over my feet, see!”  
Donghyuck said as smiled and quickly stood up making his head ache even more but he silently ignored it. 

“Are you sure you like quite pale?”  
Jisung placed a hand on his cheek taking Donghyuck aback. 

“Jisungie stop worrying about me and worry about Chenle who is eating all the snacks you bought with your money”  
Donghyuck pointed to where Chenle was hoping he could change the topic. He sighed when it did. 

“Chenle you know how much money that cost!”  
Jisung exclaimed as he tackled Chenle to the floor.

“You’re gonna make me choke!”  
Donghyuck smiled at the stwo fighting but quickly got back to practicing.

‘I have to perfect this no matter what happens’  
Donghyuck had thought that his excuse took off all the attention from him, but he missed the look Renjun had given him. 

(timeskip)

“Okay you guys let’s get going!”  
Jeno clasped his hands together as cheers could be heard from across the room. 

“Let’s watch a movie when we get back on the big tv!”  
Chenle screamed as he ran out of the room. 

“Hey me and Jaemin hyung were going to play games on the tv!”  
Jisung said as he chased after Chenle. 

“Haechan come on before Chenle takes over the tv I still have to beat you!”  
Jaemin said as he grabbed his bag and ran out of the room chasing after Chenle with Jisung.

“Haechan what’s wrong with your arm?”  
Renjun said as he walked up to him and pointed to his bandaged arm.

‘Fuck this for taking so long to heal..’

“Ah it’s nothing Renjun-ah I just thought I would match my outfit…”  
Renjun gave him a look

“Come on Haechan”  
Jeno said as he placed a hand on his shoulder giving him a warm smile. Donghyuck almost gave in but he stopped himself. 

“Later Jeno I still have the 127 choero to practice”  
Donghyuck said as he removed his hand from his shoulder, making Jeno give him a confused look.

“You know you can take a break if you want?”  
Renjun put a hand on his shoulder. 

“I will Renjunnie I promise I’ll come back before you dorks go to bed”  
Donghyuck chuckled as he playfully pushed Renjun’s shoulder. 

“Promise?”  
Renjun said as he put up his pinky finger making Donghyuck scoff.

“Really Injun isn’t this a bit childish”  
Donghyuck laughed just to be met with a serious Renjun. When Donghyuck didn’t respond to his action he shoved his pinky in front of his face.

“F-Fine…”  
Donghyuck said as he aligned their pinky fingers together. 

“Okay Injunnie let’s go before those gremlins destroy the dorm”  
Jeno said as he gained both of their attention.

“Bye then Haehannie..”  
Renjun waved as he started to exit the room with Jeno. Donghyuck tilted his head as he waved back. He stopped when the door closed. Once he heard their footsteps fade away until he was unable to hear them he collapsed to the floor. He was breathing hard. He couldn’t hear anything except the pounding in his head. He whimpered when his head throbbed once again.

‘I should get up… I need to practice…’  
Although Donghyuck couldn’t move, and slowly sleep took over his body.


	10. i am tired of mistakes

Donghyuck had woken up by the light off the dance practice room hitting his face. He groaned as he opened his eyes just to be met with the roof that he spends hours under every single day. He sat up as his head quickly went to cover his face with his palms as his head still ached. He sighed as he stood up and grabbed his belongings and left the dance room. 

(timeskip)

Donghyuck sighed once he made it to the dream dorm he was texted by their manager that it would be best to stay in their dorm since they have a performance coming up in a few days. He raised an eyebrow when he heard people speaking inside.

‘Are they still watching the movie’  
Come to think of it Donghyuck hasn’t checked the time yet, but he decided to check the time when he got inside. When Donghyuck entered the dorm all of the attention was on him. 

“Lee Donghyuck where have you been?”  
Renjun said as he crossed his arms.

“Practicing?”  
Donghyuck was confused as to why Renjun was angry with him.

“You were supposed to come back before we went to bed”  
Jeno said as he put his cup of coffee down.

‘Why is he drinking coffee so late?’

“I did? You guys didn’t go to bed yet”  
Donghyuck said as he slipped out of his shoes although he looked up when he heard a scoff from Renjun. 

“It’s 6 am”  
Renjun said, making Donghyuck’s head shot up.

“Huh?”  
Donghyuck said as he took his phone out. 

‘How fucking long was I out for?’

“You know what if you don’t want anyone taking care of you and looking out for you. You can do it yourself!”  
Donghyuck was about to apologize but Renjun turned around and shut the door behind him. 

“Haechan you should really appreciate what Renjun does for you”  
Chenle looked into a mirror and tried to fix his messy hair. 

“Yeah Renjun’s never looked out for anyone before”  
Jaemin included and soon everyone was talking about how ungrateful Donghyuck was being.

“I’m staying at the 127’s dorms”  
Donghyuck said as he slipped back into his shoes. 

“But what about our schedule”  
Jisung said as he stood up.

“I’ll come on time”  
And Donghyuck shut the door on them. 

“Aish watch this kid not come!”  
Jeno rubbed the back of his head frustratedly. 

(timeskip)

Donghyuck sighed annoyingly as he plopped back onto his bed once again as he stared at the ceiling. He was in deep thought until the sound of his stomach bright him back into reality.

“I’m starving…”  
He whined as he clenched his stomach with his hands. 

“I’ll eat after the performance..”  
Donghyuck decided as he grabbed his phone.

‘We’re coming back tomorrow so make sure the place isn’t a mess okay Haechan?’  
Yuta had sent him that, he hates mess and he hates cleaning it up so I guess he thinks that Donghyuck had cleaned the dorm. 

‘Hyungs are going to come back with great meals just you wait Haechan!’  
Donghyuck smiled at Doyoung’s text. Doyoung had always loved cooking. He especially loves it when people compliment his cooking. Donghyuck was about to respond to his message when he got a phone call.

“Yes?”

“Ah Haechannie can I ask you something?”  
Their manager Daeun asked as ruffling could be heard in the background. 

“Sure hyung”

“Have you done the recording for the ‘Loveholic’ yet?”

“Yes I have hyung why?”  
Donghyuck could hear a sigh from the other end of the line. 

“I’m sorry Haechan but the producers accidently deleted your parts and you have to redo them..”  
Daeun sighed and Dnghyuck wanted to die right then and there he was so tired and just wanted to rest. 

“Ah.. When do I have to redo them?..”

“In 30 minutes..”  
Donghyuck fell backwards onto his bed as he groaned.

“I’m really sorry Haechannie but you have to finish it cause you guys are going to be shooting the MV as soon as the group returns”  
The last few words made Donghyuck sit up.

“What?! We’re filming after they come back from break!?”  
Donghyuck yelled into his phone.

“Yes Haechannie..”  
Donghyuck sighed annoyingly as his hand made his way to his head and he pulled his hair in frustration. 

“Whatever I gonna go freshen up hyung bye”  
Donghyuck hung up as he stared at the wall in front of him. 

“Where the hell are the Advil pills when you need them…”

(timeskip)

Donghyuck was waiting outside of the recording studio. He had gotten there a little earlier than he expected. He closed his eyes as he listened to the music playing in his earbuds. Although he quickly opened his eyes when someone tapped his shoulder. 

‘I’m this close to losing my fucking shit…’  
Donghyuck opened his eyes as he removed his right earbud. 

“Hyung?”  
He was once again met with the dreamies in front of his eyes. 

“Yes Jisung-ah”

“Why are you here? Don’t tell me you’re going to practice again?”  
Jisung said and Donghyuck could see that Renjun wanted to say something but he backed away and hid himself behind Chenle.

“No Jisung they deleted the recording of my parts for 127’s album, so I have to record it all over again”  
Donghyuck sighed as he realized how shitty the situation he was in right now. 

“So you have to record all of the songs again?”  
Jaemin said as he raised an eyebrow.

“Eh?..”  
Donghyuck groaned as his face palmed himself.

‘I thought I only had to redo the title track…’

“Ah there you are Haechan-ah!”  
Donghyuck opened his eyes as he saw one of the producers walk up to them with his hands full. 

“Come we gotta hurry and finish up the recording before the shoot!”  
The producer struggled to open the door with his hands full but he managed. 

“Come inside!”  
Donghyuck followed behind him like a zombie tired out of their mind. 

“Bye!”  
He heard someone say but he was too lazy to respond so he just waved and shut the door behind him. 

“Well that was rude of him”  
Jaemin pouted as he clung onto Jisung.

“That’s why we should’ve his ungrateful ass alone”  
Renjun crossed his arms as he glared at Jaemin.

“Okay can we all just get along and practice?”  
Jeno said as he put a hand on Renjun's shoulder forcing him to face him. 

“Whatever”  
Renjun rolled his eyes and started to walk away. 

“That’s not where the dance practice room is!”  
Chenle shouted as he laughed loudly after.

“Who said I’m practicing with you guys!”  
Renjun yelled back as he turned a corner. Jeno sighed as he chased after Renjun.


	11. rollercoaster of emotions

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw : sexual assault

“Alright that’s it Haechan you can head back!”  
Donghyuck heard through the speaker and he sighed in relief as he yanked the headphones off of him and walked out. 

“Thanks hyung..”  
Donghyuck mumbled as he grabbed his coat laying on the coach.

“Sorry again Haechan-ah we’ll be more careful from now on”  
The producer bowed making Donghyuck panic

“U-Uh n-no need to a-apologize h-hyung!”  
Donghyuck said as he tried to lift his hyungs head back up,

“But i know how tiring it is with your busy schedules and plus you guys were on break so…”  
The producer trailed off near the end the tips of his ears turning red.

“It’s okay I was pretty bored anyways so it helped…”  
Donghyuck gave him a small smile.

“I’m gonna go now hyung”  
Donghyuck held the doorknob as he waited for a response. 

“Ah hurry then go get some rest!”  
Donghyuck nodded as he exited the recording room. Donghyuck shivered as he was met with the cold air and an orange sky. He had been in the recording station the whole day if he could collapse right there he would. Even though it was a 30 minute walk he wanted to enjoy the breeze against his sun kissed skin. Although while he was walking he felt as if someone was following him but he just blamed it on his tiredness. Although he quickly turned around when he heard footsteps getting closer to him. 

“Are you following me?”  
Donghyuck glared at the male that looked about 3 years older than him. 

“No I’m heading this way too…”  
The man shuffled weirdly in his spot. 

“Hm okay then…”  
Donghyuck turned around and started to walk faster. He had thought the man had left him alone after 6 minutes so he slowed down his past. Although the footsteps behind him again. At this point Donghyuck was panicking the easiest way back to the dorm is by walking through an abandoned alleyway and it lasted about 10 minutes before you could smell the fresh air again. He walked faster until the footsteps grew louder and heavier. 

‘Is he running tow-’  
Donghyuck couldn’t even finish his thought when he was hardly pushed against a wall. 

“What are you doing!”  
Donghyuck stared at the brown orbs in front of him. It was the same person who was following him a few minutes ago.

“Let go of me you bastard!”  
Donghyuck squirmed under his grip he had his both of his wrist pinned above his head with his left hand.

“Donghyuck…”  
Donghyuck looked at him surprised.

“H-How do you know m-me…”  
Donghyuck was terrified at this point who was this man. 

“You’re so much more prettier in real life…”  
The man caressed his left cheek with his right hand Donghyuck tried to escape but the man gripped his jaw with force causing him to let out a gasp.

“You sound pretty as well…”  
Donghyuck looked into his eyes and they looked dark.

“P-Please let m-me go..”  
Donghyuck was on the verge of tears. The other man chuckled.

“No”  
A single tear left his eye.

“Don’t cry baby… You’re too pretty to cry..”  
He wiped his tears away but it was useless as tears flowed down his cheeks due to fear.

“I’ll make you cry in a good way baby…”  
The other man smirked as he leaned in closer to Donghyuck . Donghyuck looked around frantically and lifted up his leg to hit him in the crotch somehow but the man was quick and placed a strong hold on his waist. Donghyuck’s eyes widened as he felt cold rough lips on his. He sobbed as he felt him force his way into his mouth. 

“So good…”  
The man traced his lips against his jaw to his neck. Donghyuck jumped as he rubbed his hand over his crotch.

“P-Please l-let me go..”  
Donghyuck sobbed as he felt him smirk against his skin. 

“Soon honey… When I’m done with you”  
Donghyuck moaned as he bit his neck harshly.

“S-Stop it hurts!”  
Donghyuck squirmed as he continued to bite his neck. He shivered when he felt his fingers on his waistband.

“Yah! I’m going to call the police on you twp if you continue being all lovey dovey in public”  
He heard a lady yell somewhere on his right side. The man's grip loosened when he heard the lady yell so he took this chance to escape. He kneed him in the crotch and started to run. 

“You bitch I’ll see you again just you fucking wait!”  
Donghyuck ignored him as he continued to run. 

(timeskip)

“Yah Lee Taeyong change your clothes before you sit on the couch!”  
Doyoung yelled as he closed the microwave Taeyong sighed. 

“Doyoung you always ruin family nigh-”  
Taeyong’s sentence was interrupted when the dorm door suddenly busted open. 

“Donghyuck are you okay?!”  
Doyoung rushed to where Donghyuck he was about cup Donghyuck’s face with his hands when he suddenly flinched away

“Why are you crying?...”  
He said in a softer voice to not scare the younger.

“What’s going on there?”  
Mark leaned back on the couch to get a better view of the situation.

“Haechan what happened?”  
Taeyong said as he walked towards the two. Donghyuck just shook his head.

“N-Nothing…”  
Donghyuck quickly said as he rushed to his and Johnny’s room and slammed the door making everyone jump.

“There’s definitely something wrong”  
Yuta said as he took a sip of his beer. 

“Let’s leave him alone for now I’ll try to talk with him later…”  
Johnny said as he put a hand and Yuta’s shoulder gave him a light smile. 

“It’s not like I’m worried for him you idiot…”  
Yuta’s face flushed red as he turned away from Johnny making everyone chuckle.

(timeskip)

Johnny quietly entered his and Donghyuck;s shared room just incase the younger was sleeping.

“Haechan?”  
Johnny thought he was sleeping but it was obvious he was awaking after he saw his body tense up after the sound of his name.

“Haechannie I know you’re awake..”  
Johnny said as he sat at the edge of his bed.

“I thought you guys were supposed to come tomorrow….”  
Donghyuck had whispered but Johnny was able to catch what he was saying.

“The manager told us that they accidentally rented the props for the shoot for only one day, so we have to finish up with props by tomorrow. Didn’t you get the text?”  
A silence fell between until a rustle could be heard from under the blankets, Donghyuck was shaking his head. 

“By the wa Haechannie.. What happened back there you looked pretty out of it…”  
Johnny said as he moved a little closer to Donghyuck. He froze when Johnny had placed a hand on his waist. The memories of what happened a few hours ago rushed into his mind tears rolled down his cheeks he was scared. He was scared again that Johnny was going to do the same thing that happened back there.

“Haechannie are you crying?”  
His grip tightened on his waist making Donghyuck shriek and sit up scaring both of them. 

“Haechan why are you cry-”  
Donghyuck was breathing hard too hard and he felt like he was going to pass out from the lack of air in his lungs.

“Tell me what’s going on..”  
Johnny moved closer to Donghyuck and his eyes widened.

“Stay away!”  
Donghyuck yelled shocking Johnny.

“D-Don’t c-come any c-closer please…”  
Donghyuck sobbed as he brought his knees up to his chest.

“Donghyuck..”  
Johnny spoke softly and Donghyuck was going to look up until he felt a hand on his knee.

“No!”  
Donghyuck had kneed Johnny in the face.

“Fuck…”  
Johnny was holding his face as blood came out of his nose.

“What is going on in here?!”  
Taeyong busted into the room along with Doyung and Jaehyun. 

“Haechannie is acting weird…”  
Johnny pointed at Donghyuck, making him panic even more.

“Haechan is this true?”  
Donghyuck sat there frozen until he got up and ran out of the dorm.

“Yah Lee Donghyuck!”  
Doyoung yelled and he was going to chase after him until a hand on his shoulder stopped him from going any further.

“Let’s give him some time alone… He looks like he needs it..”  
Doyoung nodded as Jaehyun gave him a soft smile.

(timeskip)

Now Donghyuck didn’t actually run away; he was just at the rooftop of the dorm. He couldn’t really go anywhere but there because he was still in his socks. He was sitting on the edge of the roof and just admiring the view of the city in front of him. Peaceful. He thought of the word peaceful when he looked at the city infront of him. Although the sounds of cars honking below ruined the peacefulness he couldn’t imagine a life looking at the world from above. Without having to worry about anything. He could just stay there floating, watching the world below him. His thoughts were interrupted when the rooftop door was suddenly pushed open, he didn’t even bother looking, thinking it was Taeyong or Doyoung. But he heard multiple footsteps approach him and they sounded fast and heavy. Just like that one time. Before Donghyuck could panic a soft voice enchanted his ears. 

“Hyung what do you think you’re doing here?...”  
Donghyuck looked up to see Jisung and the dreamies behind him.

“I could say the same to you guys…”  
Donghyuck chuckled sadly as he turned away from the 6 dreamies and looked back to the city.

“Taeyong called us and said that you were acting off…”  
Jeno said as he sat on the right side of Donghyuck. Jisung sitting to the left of him. Shortly the rest of the dreamies were all sitting with him.

“You look like a mess..”  
Chenle said as he leaned forward to see Donghyuck’s voice.

“Chenle be careful you might fall!”  
Renjun pulled him back and put an arm around his shoulder.

“Say that to the one who looks like he cried for hours and is sitting at the edge of the rooftop”  
Chenle yelled as pointed to Donghyuck and Renjun looked at him with a face that was unreadable.

“Yeah why do you look like a mess?”  
Jeno placed a hand on his shoulder, Donghyuck quickly removed it from his shoulder making Jeno raise an eyebrow.

“I u-uh h-hurt m-myself c-coming home…”  
Donghyuck stuttered as he played his hands.

“Sounds like a lie?”  
Jaemin said but quickly shut up as Mark put a hand over his mouth.

“I’m not lying Nana it h-hurt a lot…”  
Donghyuck said as he looked at Nana with sad eyes hoping it was enough for him to believe.

“Don;t look at me like that!”  
Jaemin said as he sat up and walked around in a circle with his hands in his hair.

‘I’m worrying too many people…’  
Donghyuck bit his lips and stared blankly into the city almost as if he was emerging into it. He was brought back to his senses when he felt a soft warm hand despite the coldness in the air. He quickly looked to his left to see Jisung holding his hand with a soft smile on his lips.

“Hyung…”  
Jisung’s voice sounded so magical in this moment right there.

“J-Jisungie…”  
Donghyuck said as he looked down.

“You’re okay right..”  
Jisung's voice cracked in the middle of his sentence. Donghyuck only nodded in response.

“Put me down you ogre!”  
Renjun yelled, making both Jisung and Donghyuck look back to see Jeno holding Renjun in his arms spinning him in a circle. Donghyuck and Jisung chuckled at the same time making them face each other as they bursted out laughing.

“H-Hey he c-could actually get h-hurt you know!”  
Mark yelled as he stood a little far away from Renjun and Jeno with his hands in front of him as if he thought he could do something.

“THIS IS FOR EATING MY APPLE SAUCE!”  
Chenle yelled as he tackled Mark to the ground.

“AND FOR BREAKING MY CONTROLLER!”  
Jaemin said as he tackled Mark with Chenle.

Donghyuck felt happy.

Only for that single memorable moment only.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I HATE HOW MESSY THIS STORYLINE IS I PROMISE IT WILL GET BETTER IN 5-7 CHAPTERS PLEASEBEAR WITH ME


	12. we were never meant to be

Donghyuck had woken up by the sound of glass plates shattering against the floor followed with a ‘ Look what you did Taeil hyung!’ Donghyuck groaned as he sat up from his bed rubbing his eyes as he stared at the wall. All of a sudden his eyes widened. 

“I forgot to practice for the shoot…”  
Donghyuck slapped himself as he groaned in frustration. 

“I haven’t perfected everything yet… I;m going to mess up…”  
Donghyuck felt his breathing gradually get heavier and heavier as he tightly gripped the blanket on top of his lap.

“Haechannie you’re awake!”  
Jungwoo was standing near the doorway with some random things in his hands. 

“Kim Jungwoo hurry up we’re going to be late!”  
Taeyong pushed him away from Donghyuck’s room.

“And for you.. Don’t make anything more troublesome than it already is…”  
Taeyong shut the door and Donghyuck stared at the door. Was Taeyong mad at him. He felt his eyes fill up with salty tears but he quickly blinked them away as he grabbed a towel from his laundry basket and headed for the bathroom for a quick shower. 

(timeskip)

“Aish really Jungwoo we were almost late because of you!”  
Taeyong sighed as he leaned back into his seat.

“Hey I had to make sure my pokemon cards were organized!”  
Jungwoo pouted, making Taeyong, Taeil and Jaehyun laugh except for one person. Donghyuck had his earphones plugged in minding his own business. Ever since Taeyong said this morning he had been even more quiet than he was before. He doesn’t want to cause trouble. He’ll die even if he was to trouble others. 

“Haechan aren’t you hungry?”  
Jungwoo said as he held out a plastic container filled with chinese food. Come to think of it, it's been at least three days since he ate. 

“Ah it’s okay hyung plus we’re shooting the MV today…”  
Donghyuck whispered as he plugged his earphones back in.

“Suit yourself then!”  
Jungwoo said as he dug into the food.

“Haechan why don’t you have just a little bit?..”  
Doyoung tapped his shoulder but Donghyuck just shook his head. 

“I ate a lot of food yesterday when I was out…”  
Doyoung hummened in agreement as he sat back in his seat.

“Would you like to join Taeyon, Jaehyun and I for dinner later?”  
Doyoung said with a smile but it faded as he Taeyog nudged him with his shoulder. 

“It’s okay hyung I have to go to the dreamies practice later today anyways…”  
Donghyuck closed his eyes and put up the volume so he could only hear his music. 

(timeskip)

“Great You guys are here! Your stylists are in that room over there, once you’re done changing please come out immediately!”  
The producer looked pretty busy so their manager rushed them to the change room to stress him out. 

“Ah by the way guys your new manager will be picking you up after the shoot”  
Their manager spoke, gaining everyone’s attention.

“Haechan you have a performance to do after correct?”  
Donghyuck nodded as one of the stylists handed him some clothes and pointed to a curtain.

“Okay he’ll be driving you there and back to the 127 dorms for the shooting”  
The manager shut the door after he was done leaving the five of them to change. After Donghyuck had changed, one of the stylist had walked up to him. 

“Hey, are you sure we got Haechan-ssi the right size?!”  
She yelled starting Donghyuck a bit.

“Ah yes we did, why is there a problem?”  
A lady with a clipboard walked up to the both of them. 

“It looks a little big on him don’t you think?”  
The stylist said as he played with the fabric.

“It does actually…”  
The lady put a hand under her chin as she was thinking.

“Just pin it up near the back so it fits him correctly okay?”  
The lady pointed to his shirt and the stylist nodded as he went rummaging in her bag for pins. Donghyuck felt someone staring at him so he looked in the mirror and saw Doyoung staring at him. 

“Yes hyung?”  
Donghyuck turned back.

“Donghyuck let’s talk after the shoot is done alright?”  
Doyoung gave him a soft smile as he went to go change. 

‘Did I get caught…’  
Donghyuck sat down on a chair that was pretty uncomfortable but he managed. He sighed, having talks with Doyoung hyung always sucked.

“Haechan-ssi please come over here so I can fix your clothing!”  
Donghyuck sat up and walked over to the stylist with the pins in her hands. 

(timeskip)

Donghyuck was standing outside of the shoot and was waiting for everyone else to join him. He had finished earlier than all of them and just wanted some fresh air. He was sick of staying in there for hours. Donghyuck looked up when a car pulled up in front of him. 

“Are you Haechan?”  
He heard from the window.

“Yeah are you the new manager?”

“Yes hop inside it’s dangerous out here”  
Donghyuck quickly got inside as he was tired of standing. 

“How long until the others come?”

“Atleast 25 minutes”  
Donghyuck sighed as he was met with warm air. 

“I’m going to drive us to the parking lot so I don’t get a ticket…”  
The manager chuckled lowly.

“Okay..”  
Donghyuck closed his eyes as the car moved. As soon as the car stopped moving the doors locked.

“Um, did you mean to close the door?”  
Donghyuck tried to get a look of his face but it was too dark to see anything. All he could see was his pale skin.

“Yes darling, I did..”  
The manager turned the light on in the van. Donghyuck looked at the mirror and gasped in fear. 

“Y-You.. It’s you!”  
Donghyuck froze for a second until he turned to the door and tried to open it.

“That won’t work and you know that”  
He grabbed Donghyuck’s wrist and pulled him closer to him.

“Hm.. I can’t wait to see how good you look in the video”  
He licked his lips as he moved closer.

“H-Hey s-stop y-you bitch!”  
Suddenly Donghyuck’s cheek stung he slapped him.

“Call me that again you who-”  
A knock on the door is all it took for the manager to act as if nothing happened. Donghyuck wanted to cry how he could act as if he didn’t threaten him. 

“Ah Doyoung-ssi how ar-”

“Are things okay here?”  
Doyoung said sternly as he looked at Donghyuck.

“Yes everything is fine!”  
Doyoung hummend in response.

“May I speak with Haechan?”  
Doyoung gave him a smile.

“Don’t you have a shoot to do?”  
The manager scoffed as he started to roll up the window but stopped when Doyoung’s hand was on the top of the window.

“Can I speak with him?”  
He said slowly as he glared at him. The manager groaned as a click broke the silence. The door was opened. Donghyuck rushed outside and to the drivers side to meet with Doyoung.

“Come one Donghyuck”  
Doyoung held out his hand for him. He was hesitant but he took a hold of his hand and followed him. 

“Donghyuck are you okay I heard you screaming?”  
Doyoung said in a concerned tone. Donghyuck nodded.

“Please Donghyuck you can tell me anything.. I’m your hyung. I should be protecting you from any dangers in this world..”  
Donghyuck bit his lip as tears rolled down his cheeks. 

“Dong-”  
Donghyuck had tackled Doyoung with a hug as sobs left his lips.

“H-Hyung h-he…”

“What did he do Haechan..”  
Doyoung said softly but he really wanted to know what was going on and was angry. Although he held back those emotions to not scare Donghyuck.

“H-He touched me…”  
Doyoung’s eyes widened. 

“Like s-sexually..”  
Doyoung asked as he rubbed his back.

“Y-Yes… He k-kissed me too.. Forcefully…”  
Doyoung sighed he was angry he couldn’t protect his Donghyuck.

“When did this happen?... You don’t have to tell me though..”

“Yesterday night…”  
Donghyuck dug his face deeper into his chest.

“Does this have to do with the events that happened a while ago?”  
Donghyuck nodded.

“Hyung I;m I a whore?”  
Doyoung shuddered at those words.

“No you’re not!”  
Dyoung pulled away but still had his hands securely around him. 

“B-But I let it happen…”  
Donghyuck said sadly.

“It happened with force you couldn;t stop him Donghyuck.”  
Doyoung ran his hands through his hair.

“What are you two doing here?”  
Taeyong walked up to the pair. Doyoung looked at Donghyuck and shook his head. 

“I’ll tell him later…”  
He muttered, making Taeyong raise an eyebrow.

“Tell me what?”  
Taeyong put his hands on his hips.

“I can’t tell you now sorry hyung…”  
Donghyuck bowed as he moved back a little. Taeyong sighed.

“No need to apologize Haechan.. Just tell me once you get back from the performance…”  
Taeyong gave him a soft smile.


	13. set free

“The others are in the car right?”  
Doyoung asked.

“Yes let’s hurry before they start complaining”  
Taeyong rolled his eyes as he walked back to the car Doyoung and Donghyuck following behind him.

“Hyung..”

“Yes Haechan?”

“Can you c-come with me to the performance… I don’t want to be alone with him..”  
Donghyuck looked away shamefully.

“I was going to go with you even if you said no Sunshine”  
Doyoung patted his head.

“Hurry and get inside the car you rabbit!”  
Jungwoo yelled, making Doyoung lifted up his hand as if he was going to hit him.

“Sorry sorry!”  
Jungwoo said as he clung onto Jaehyun. 

“Haechan you can sit here I’ll sit in the front”  
Doyoung gave him a warm smile. Donghyuck nodded and whispered a few ‘thanks’

“Uh Haechan-ssi is supposed to be sitting next to me Doyoung-ssi”  
The manager raised an eyebrow at him.

“Why do you have a problem with where we sit?”  
Doyoung glared at him. The manager turned back to look at Donghyuck and mouthed ‘You told him.. You’re fucking dead’ He turned back and started to drive. Donghyuck was looking at his lap the whole time. He was grateful that Doyoung was there for him but he was scared of what would happen as a consequence.

“Okay you guys can get off I’ll drive Haechan-ssi to the show now”  
Everyone got off except for Doyoung.

“Hyung aren;t you going to come?”  
Jungwoo knocked on his window Doyoung shook his head as it would be heard to hear him unless he shouted.

“Ahem Doyoung-ssi, why don’t you go and rest at the dorm?”  
The manager scratched the back of his neck awkwardly.

“I promised the dreamies i would treat them to food later on”  
The manager tightly gripped the steering wheel. Doyoung looked back and Donghyuck slightly bowed to show his gratitude.

(timeskip)

“Haechan hyung you made it just in time!”  
Chenle said as he tackled him into a hug.

“Oh Doyoung hyung why are you here?”  
Renjun questions as everyone's attention turned to Doyoung making him smile.

“Oh I wanted to take you guys out for dinner after!”  
Everyone yelled in excitement at Doyoung’s statement.

“How much longer until we go on?”  
Donghyuck said as he started to stretch.

“Like 10 minutes?”  
Jarmin slid his pocket back into his pocket as he checked the time. Donghyuck hummened as he began to practice.

“Shouldn’t you rest Haechan you just came back from filming”  
Doyoung said as he sat next to Jaemin on the couch in the waiting room. 

“Later hyung”  
Donghyuck started to go over the choreo and tilted his head in frustration when he got even a move slightly wrong.

“Haechan I'm sure you’ll perform great…”  
Donghyuck looked back at the voice he hadn't heard for a while. Although he wasn’t met with his face. Renjun was looking away like he was embarrassed Donghyuck smiled.

“Great isn’t perfect Injunnie”  
Donghyuck stated as he continued to go over the moves. After a while they were called to go up to the stage. As they left Doyoung balled his hand into a fist and whispered ‘fighting’  
To the group. When Donghyuck walked onto the stage he felt a wave of nervousness in his body. He had this feeling in his chest. The feeling was like he was going to cry. He quickly changed his nervous expression when the music started. Donghyuck was doing well until it came to the pre-chorus. As he was walking towards the center he tripped over his feet and fell to the floor. He felt tears prickle to his eyes. 

‘I messed up..’  
He quickly snapped out of his negative thoughts and continued with the choreo. When the performance ended he quickly bowed to the staff and quickly walked off stage. He made his way to the bathroom and hid inside one of the stalls. He cried. Out of embarrassment and shame. Once he collected his thoughts he walked out of the bathroom only to bump into warmth.

“I thought you were gone…”

“Sweetie my name Seo-joon not ‘you’”  
Donghyuck honestly had enough of this so called ‘Seo-joon’ he pushed him out of his way and walked away. He let out a groan of pain when he pushed against the wall.

“Push me again you bitch.”  
So Donghyuck did even after all of his confident actions he was still trapped there. 

“Are you that horny to have me fuck you honey~”  
He sunk his teeth into his neck that was surely going to leave a mark.

“H-help me t-this man his assaulting me!”  
Donghyuck yelled he wasn’t in an abandoned place. He was in a place filled with many people. He expected him to run away after that but he didn’t stop biting his neck. Donghyuck whimpered when he felt his tongue on his skin. He suddenly heard footsteps approach him. Suddenly the man was pushed to the floor. A staff member held him in his place as he called for the cops.

“Haechannie…”  
Doyoung hugged him and Donghyuck almost broke down right there.

“He just won’t leave me alone, hyung… He keeps on bothering me!”  
Donghyuck said as he pulled his hair in frustration and leaned against the wall. He stopped his tantrum when he saw the rest of the dream members standing behind Doyoung. He let out a soft ‘oh’.

“Has he been bothering you?”  
He saw a figure come towards him; it was Renjun. His voice was stern and scary. Donghyuck nodded and hung his head low.

“Why didn’t you tell us?”  
Jeno spoke softly; he only shook his head.

“I t-thought you w-would think of me as a whore he just wanted someone to f-fuck him..”  
Donghyuck smiled sadly at them. He was pulled into a hug by Renjun.

“Talk badly about yourself like that and I’ll kill you Lee Donghyuck”  
Renjun’s voice broke off near the end of the sentence. Donghyuck smiled.

“Missed talking to you too Injunnie…”  
Donghyuck patted his back. He left Rejun’s warm embrace when police entered the building.

“He’s gonna be gone forever right hyung?”  
Donghyuck said as he Doyoung turned to him and patted his head.

“Yes Hyuckie!”  
Doyoung smiled as he hugged him.

“No fair, I want a hug from hyung too!”  
Chenle said as he hugged Donghyuck too, making everyone join into the hug. Donghyuck's face was painted with a small smile but he turned to his right where he felt someone boring his eyes into him. It was Seo-joon. His face was unreadable but it didn’t really affect him.

‘It really does(n't)’ affect me’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey! i'm sorry for not posting on the weekend i decided the weekend is when i should take a break from writing. i've been feeling quite tired lately and it's hard to come up with idea's. i probably have writers block which I FUCKING HATE but.i.don't.care~ 
> 
> so yeah please don't expect me to post on the weekends!


	14. keep it in

All of the dreamies including Doyoung were waiting for their manager to come and pick them up. Donghyuck looked up when he saw the performance he did with his group start to play on the screen. He looked away embarrassed. 

“Hyung eat this, it's really tasty!”  
Chenle shoved a cream filled bread infront of his face.

“Ah Chenle isn’t Doyoung going to be treating us?”

“The restaurant closed 2 hours ago I just told you like two minutes ago Haechan…”  
Donghyuck only nodded and turned his attention back to the younger in front of him.

“I’ll eat later Chenle!”  
Donghyuck gave him a reassuring smile Chenle eyed him weirdly.

“Eat hyung”  
Chenle said deadpanned as he moved it closer to his face.

“Chenle don’t force him to eat…”  
Renjun said as he pushed Chenle away from Donghyuck making him smile.

“But he hasn’t ate yet please hyung you’re worrying me…”  
Chenle gave him a sad look and Donghyuck felt terrible.

“O-Okay…”  
Donghyuck motioned for Chenle to pass him to cream filled bread. Chenle happily hopped over to Donghyuck and handed him the bread. Renjun gave him a look Donghyuck gave him a smile and told him to eat too. Donghyuck looked at the bread before he carefully ate it. He felt disgusted. He promised he was going to eat after the performance but after his mistake. He felt the need to punish himself. He wanted to cry but he sucked it up and downed the bread. He sighed as he leaned back into his chair. 

‘It’s okay… It’s okay to eat!’  
Donghyuck mentally noted to himself but he just couldn’t ignore the feeling in his stomach. He ignored it until he could no longer bare it. He got up and made an excuse to head to the bathroom. Once he left the waiting room he dashed to the washroom. He locked himself in a stall and threw up. He cried tears of pain.

It hurts

Donghyuck lurched over the toilet and threw up once again. He sat there on the cold tiles of the bathroom floor. He heard the door of the bathroom open. He didn't even bother to cover up the fact that he was crying. He heard a knock on the door.

“It’s Renjun Donghyuck…”  
Donghyuck sat there on the floor for a few minutes until he stood up and unlocked the door. Once he opened it Renjun smiled sadly and opened his arms. Donghyuck broke down as he engulfed himself in his embrace.

“It h-hurts Injunnie…”  
Donghyuck sobbed into his shoulder he felt his hand rub his back.

“I know Haechan…”  
Renjun tightened his arms around his waist.

“I’m s-sorry for worrying you…”  
Donghyuck pulled away as he wiped his tears away with his sweater. Renjun sighed as he cupped his face.

“Even though I’m a few months older than you I’m still considered as your hyung, and I should be able to take care of you…”  
Renjun rubbed his thumb against his cheek.

“Even though you got mad at me?...”

“I was never mad at you Hyuckie… I was justreally worried about your health.. I’ve been paying attention to you this past week… You’re not Haechan anymore…”  
Donghyuck felt disappointed in himself he failed his one job.

‘Not that hard to fake it..’

“And it’s totally fine.. You can be Donghyuck sometimes too..”  
Renjun patted his head before giving him a smile.

“Let’s head back before they leave without us?”  
Renjun held out his head and Donghyuck gladly took it as the exited the bathroom.

“Hurry up you two or else we are going to leave you guys behind!”  
Chenle yelled as he ran through the exit. Remjun ran after him while Donghyuck walked behind them he had no energy whatsoever.

‘rest isn’t an option, improve you fucker.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short i've been trying to focus on school


	15. dont feel bad for me

“Okay thank you guys for your hard work today, remember tomorrow is the last and final day for shooting!”  
One of the producers yelled out making everyone cheer. Donghyuc felt an arm around his shoulder. 

“Yes Jungwoo hyung?”  
Donghyuck squirmed out of his grip and started to collect his belongings. 

“Why don’t you play games with you hyung anymore, it’s starting to get boring always winning against Markie”  
Jungwoo stated as Mark came by and pulled Jungwoo into a head lock laughter echoed across the studio. Donghyuck made eye contact with Mark but the older quickly looked away. Donghyuck was a bit hurt but he thought nothing of it.

‘not now at least’

“Okay kids let’s go!”  
Taeyong said as he held the door open and motioned for them to exit. They all nodded and the 3 of them exited and entered the car except for Donghyuck. He was standing outside with his phone in his hand.

“Haechan aren’t you coming?”  
Taeyong said as he entered the car as well.

“Ah I’m going to go to the practice rooms I’ll be back before you wake up…”  
Donghyuck looked back down at his phone and his uber is supposed to pick him up in about 2 minutes. 

“In that case I’ll go with Haech-”  
Doyoung was going to exit the car until Donghyuck stopped him. 

“It’s okay hyung I can go by myself..”  
Doyoung gave him a glare like he was trying to remind him of something.

“I’m taking an uber I’m sure I’ll be fine, don’t worry about me please”  
Donghyuck said as he shooed him back into the car. 

“But what about last time?”  
Doyoung said as he sat back down into his seat.

“What about last time?”  
Jungwoo asked, making Donghyuck look at him.

“Nothing Jung Woo hyung”  
Donghyuck said blankly as he closed the door and walked back to the studio and leaned against the wall. He watched as the car left him in the cold darkness. Doyoung had told him to give him a phone call when he made it to the practice room. Donghyuck nodded not wanting to talk anymore due to exhaustion. He plugged in his headphones and closed his eyes. He used to listen to upbeat music but now he listens to sad music most of the time. He just wants to relate to someone. Someone who is going through the same problems as him. 

‘ i dont wanna be the odd one out..’  
He jumped as he heard a honk making him open his eyes. There was an old lady in a car.

“Lee Donghyuck?”  
Donghyuck nodded as the lady unlocked the door. 

“You shouldn’t be out in the cold like this young man, especially at night!”  
She scolded him as she turned on the gps and started to drive. Donghyuck only chuckled she reminded him of his own grandma. Always nagging him. He turned up his music as he stared outside of the window. He shivered a little when they passed the abandoned town. Although after 3 minutes of that hell he felt the moonlight hit his face. 

‘ peace only comes from accepting fate’

He watched as tall trees passed by him quickly blocking the moonlight. When the trees had disappeared he couldn’t see the moon. Clouds had covered the moon. No light was reflecting on him. When trees showed up again he only stared at his lap and fiddled with his fingers. When he looked back at the window he saw the moon once again but it was quickly covered up by the clouds.

‘ happiness isnt forever you fool’

“Is this the place young man?”  
He heard the old lady’s voice pierce through his ears, He looked up and saw the place he would spend hours at. 

“Ah yes it is thank you very much ma’am”  
Donghyuck quickly handed her the money and exited the car. He shivered as the cold night air hit his skin. He entered the building and greeted a few people on his way inside. He picked an empty room and placed his belongings in a corner and connected his phone to the speaker and started to dance to their new album. They’ll have to perform it at music shows soon. He didn’t want to mess up like last time. 

(timeskip)

Donghyuck was currently laying on the floor. He felt like absolute shit. His body felt weak and sweaty, his head was killing him. His throat ached, his legs and arms felt sore. He could barely move without wincing in pain. He felt dehydrated. He cursed at himself as he forgot to bring a fucking waterbottle. He got up from the floor and made his way to the door. He squinted when he was met with a bright light. He usually dimmed down the lights in the dance practice room but immediately regrets it as he is met with hell as soon as he walks out. He scowled as he heard a bunch of voices from somewhere. As soon as he turned a corner he fell to the ground.

“Oh my god Haechan I’m so sorry!”  
He looked up to see Yangyang and the rest of Wayv behind him. 

“Haechannie why are you here?”  
Ten threw a juice box he had just finished into his pocket. 

“N-Nothing I just forgot something…”  
Ten glared at him.

‘why the fuck does everyone glare at me like that?’

“Since you’re here why don’t you grab some food with us!”  
Lucas shouted as he grabbed Winwin’s debit card and swung it around in the air. 

“I’m good Lucas I’m pretty tired too because I just came back from a shoot too, I think I might rest..”

“But you’re here practicing?”  
Ten placed his hands on his hips as he looked at Donghyuck making him shift awkwardly in his position. 

“It’s only for a little bit hyung..”

“Donghyuck I’m tired of it, I know you are too”  
Ten gave him a sympathetic look and Donghyuck just wanted to slap that look off of his face. He doesn’t need empathy, he's fine on his own. 

“I have no clue what you’re talking about”  
Donghyuck started walking away.

“Oh trust me I do, you’re like my little brother I can read you like a book Lee Donghyuck..”  
Ten’s sentence slowly started to fade away as Donghyuck’s heavy and fast footsteps walked away from the group of seven boys. 

'work until you no longer know yourself'


	16. clean up after yourself

Once Donghyuck made it back to the dance practice he basically downed the water bottle that he had just bought. He sighed in relief when he finished about a third of the bottle. He attempted to throw the bottle in the trash can but failed horribly. He slid down the wall feeling his shirt ride up his back due to the amount of sweat that was collected on the back of his shirt. He looked into the mirror only to be met with a disappointing sight. He saw how fat he looked. Even after all of his work. It brought him nowhere. 

‘even if you work hard it will get you nowhere’

He looked at the reflection for a while until his vision turned blurry. He hated how he looked. Even if someone told him he looked good. He could never accept it. He can’t accept it until he’s perfect. He was frustrated, he balled his hand up into a fist and slammed it into the floor with force. He did it again and again until he felt a warm liquid puddle beneath his fist and a numbing pain in his arm. He looked to his right when he heard the door open.

“Haechan…”  
Ten walked up to him slowly he looked a little taken aback.

‘is he scared of me?’

Donghyuck thought as Ten sat down next to him. 

“H-Hyung..”  
Donghyuck hung his head in shame.

“Donghyuck are you okay I heard banging coming from here…”  
Donghyuck chuckled doesn’t he already know the answer as if it is not already obvious.

“Why are you laughing Lee Donghyuck?”  
Ten put his warm hand on Donghyuck’s cold one making him flinch a little due to the pain in his hand. 

“You did this didn’t you?”  
Ten looked at his eyes and Donghyuck looked away.

“No I accidentally bumped into the drawer..”  
Donghyuck elbowed the drawer behind him.

“You bumped into that drawer more than 30 times Donghyuck?”  
Ten sighed as he opened the drawer Donghyuck was referring to and searched for something. He ended up with a white cloth in his hand when he closed it.

“Let’s get you to the infirmary Haechan-ah..”  
Ten wrapped his hand in the cloth and stood up, Donghyuck following him. Before they could exit the room Donghyuck interrupted the silence. 

“Promise you won’t tell anyone hyung… please…”  
Donghyuck brought his hands together and winced at the pain. 

“Donghyuck I would never do that…”  
Ten rubbed his shoulder.

“But you’ll have to tell someone eventually.. Someone that you trust”  
Ten said making Donghyuck’s shoulders slump.

“Just remember that you can take as much time in the world to tell us.. There’s no need to feel any pressure.. Cause in the end it’s your feeling Donghyuck-ah”  
Donghyuck sighed as he nodded.

“Alright.. Let’s hurry before you get an infection buddy…”  
Ten said as he pointed to the hallway.

(timeskip)

“Alright you’re all set to go! Be more careful next time Haechan this is the second time you’ve been in my office this month”  
The nurse scolded him as she took off her gloves and threw them inside of the garbage can.

“Thank you for bandaging him up noona!”  
Ten waved her goodbye as the door shut. Once the door shut he immediately turned his attention to Donghyuck.

“Don’t ever do this again Haechan..”  
Ten said as he held his uninjured hand and gave him a serious look. 

“I won’t hyung…”  
Donghyuck looked away as his voice sounded a bit unsure making Ten raise an eyebrow.

“You should head back to the dorms Haechan it’s late anyways”  
Ten sat up from his seat and dusted his pants off. 

“Later hyung I’m still not done practicing yet…”  
Donghyuck got up as well and made sure to fix the sheets that were below him a few seconds ago. 

“Donghyuck I’m serious”  
Ten crossed his arms and glared at him making Donghyuck feel a little small even though he was a few centimeters taller than the older.

“So am I hyung, but I promise I’ll get a bunch of rest after…”  
He gave him a small smile as stuffed his hands in his ruff sweater.

“Okay… I’ll make sure to call Johnny to make sure so don’t play any tricks Lee Donghyuck”  
Ten pushed his shoulder and Donghyuck gave him an offended look as they both laughed. He really wished that the fans viewed their relationship like this. He doesn’t like being viewed as the one that his hyung hates the most. Once they made it out of the nurses office Ten turned back to meet Haechan’s gaze. 

“I’ll see you later buddy… I gotta mae sure that the rest if Wayv haven’t done anything stupid yet”  
They both laughed at the last statement.

“Okay hyung take care then”  
Donghyuck waved to Ten as he made his way to where he thinks the rest of Wayv are. He sighed as he made his way back to the practice room. He smiled when he was no longer met with bright lights irritating his vision. He locked the door this time so no one can enter. He looked to the wall and then to the floor. He saw the blood from before and he thought

‘it didnt hurt as much as i thought it would’

He grabbed a cloth from the same drawer Ten had got on and cleaned it up. He looked back into the mirror as he was cleaning. 

‘always cleaning up my mess’

He chuckled sadly as he finished cleaning up and threw the cloth inside the garbage but took some of the stuff inside of the can and put it over the dirtied cloth so no one can see it.

‘pain will keep me going until the last second’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update school is getting on my last nerve but i had some free time today soooo i wrote surprisingly for the first time in 'years'


End file.
